When He speaks freedom.

The following has been The Lord's Word for me during this past season of change. The entire chapter comes off the page at me. 

It's. so. good. 

I invite you to read it- in its entirety. For this post's sake, I have highlighted my most favorite lines.

Psalm 37

Of David.

5 3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;

17 

The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

2539 

The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
    he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
⁴⁰ The Lord helps them and delivers them;
    he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
    because they take refuge in him.

This passage is where my scripture memorization is coming from these days. Pulling this passage about, piece by piece; I can't get enough.

You see, for about a year now, I felt God prepping me for something. I didn't know what- but I knew it would be totally different than what I was used to. I knew He was calling me to get ready. 

At the end of May, an unexpected opportunity was presented to me. It was something that I was truly so excited about; almost to the point of not believing it could be true. They were asking ME to accept this position. Me! And at such an unexpected time!

I took the next month to make my decision- Jon and I prayed, we crunched numbers, we dreamt about a different future for our family, we made plans. As the excitement fluttered in my heart, the fear also billowed up in my stomach. Fear of change. Fear of provision. Fear of... health insurance?

You see, I have Type 1 Diabetes. One of the perks of teaching in my county was the incredible health benefits. For diabetic teachers, they covered all cost at 100%! That was unheard of, and I knew that no other career (or county) would provide that.

I audibly heard God say to me, "Am I not bigger than BlueCross?" Sounds silly now, right? But at the time, the fear was very real. And this new opportunity revealed just how deep that fear ran. 

Have you ever prayed for peace over a situation, but it didn't come right away? Have you ever asked God for His guidance, knowing all the while He was already leading? Has God ever asked you to just trust- commit to Him first and foremost?

Now that I'm able to look back on the situation, I realize God was speaking the whole time. I was praying over and over again, but my prayers were drowning out His words. 

"Be still, and know that I am God."

"Wait patiently for me."

"Commit your way to me, and I will do this..."

"Delight in Me. I will make your steps firm."

My God began to flood my mind with memories of times when He had provided, been faithful, guided. He reminded Me how GOOD He is. And He challenged me to trust Him.

Trust.

Commit.

God, I need peace about this situation!

Give me your desires.

I want to follow You!

Commit your way to me.

I need your peace!

Recognize I am who I say I am.

One afternoon, when I knew it was time to make my decision, I spent a couple hours on the phone with health insurance companies. The numbers and jargon had finally got the best of me. Here it came- anxiety began to flood my body.

In a refusal to let the enemy take me down, I put everything aside. I turned on my worship music, and I began to sing. I prayed. I sang some more.

Through tears running down my cheeks, I whispered, "Okay God. You've never left us hanging before. You are the Provider. You are Faithful. You are Good. You are Gracious..."

I began to relive life experiences when God knocked my socks off. My whisper grew louder. Stronger.

"I trust you, God. I commit my way to You. I believe this opportunity is from you, and I accept it. We will go where you're calling us. Yes, God!"

And you know what? That peace that I had prayed over for a month, but had yet to experience it- that peace came over me. It flooded my living room. My somber prayers became a moment of dancing for my Lord, all over the house!

That fear that had taken over my mind was released. Freedom! 

When God speaks freedom over His people, it's not just over the unsaved. He speaks freedom over the bondage that we place over ourselves every day, sometimes unknowingly so!

I so loved my years as a teacher. I was blessed beyond expectation with coworkers, administration, students, and parents. I changed my career without malice intent or regret. God had been prepping; He was moving in me. 

And I accepted this new life change with true peace and abandonment of fear.

He's still prepping, you know. I realize I have not arrived yet. This year I am the newb. I am learning. And I am loving every minute.

God, I don't know where we're going. But I trust You completely.

There is such freedom in those words.

Is it an addiction to be busy?

Disclaimer: This is a long entry. It's been a while. There's a lot on my mind.


It's been a while since I last posted. Why?

Life. 

Life happens. 

And around these parts, the lane has not been one of leisure.

For the past few months, the hubs and I have been playing a game against the clock. With our schedules being crammed full with activities every night of the week, we have been running wild.

Mondays- Musical Rehearsal until 6:00 (don't leave until 7:00)
Tuesdays- Musical Rehearsal until 6:00 (don't leave until 7:00)
Wednesdays- Musical Rehearsal, OF Rehearsal, sometimes praise team rehearsal, and Overflow College Ministry (usually get home after 11:00pm)
Thursdays- Musical Rehearsal until 6:00; small group at 6:30
Friday, Saturday, Sunday- Jon working job numero dos and me grading papers & cleaning house
Oh yeah...full time jobs on top of this.

Majority of the schedule conflict was due to my co-directing our school's spring musical. This year, our middle school students performed Disney's "High School Musical". Man, did they impress me!

However, in order to produce such a fantastic show, a lot of time, effort, energy, and resources were depleted.

Earlier I wrote about Jon and I leading our church's college ministry last fall. Wow, has it been incredible! God has done AMAZING things in the lives of our students!! We are humbled at the opportunity to serve in this capacity. But I would also be lying if I said we gave it the time and energy we wanted to. Some nights, it was all we could do to just make it to the 8:30 Overflow service. There was a lot of trust in the Holy Spirit to renew and lead.

Our "young professionals" small group started up this past January. It has been so great getting to know the friends in our group! We have each been taking a week to share our life story, our testimonies if you will. It's been so cool to learn where we all come from. We are thankful for this group and the time we share together.

Jon is super involved with the Men's Ministry at the church. He is the "Yes Man", and I admire his leadership capabilities and his servant heart. I am also involved in our church's Women's Ministry. We enjoyed an awesome retreat weekend about a month ago, and I was honored to lead worship for the event. It's amazing to see God changing families' lives in our church body!

As a teacher, the job is never-ending. There's always work to be taken home. I am finishing a fabulous first year of teaching 6th grade, but if I'm honest, there were times I wanted/should've devoted more time to my lessons/grading at home. There has been a constant feeling of "not doing enough" or accomplishing tasks behind schedule. I have now been hired to train principals and leadership teams around the state of Tennessee this summer over our new standards. It's a big job, an exciting opportunity, and I thrive in change...but what was I thinking? The first two training weekends were intense, but I am confident that I can do this.

With our "gazelle-like intensity" (for all you Dave fans out there), Jon is hustling with his second job on the weekends. (Now, we have removed him from the Sunday shift. Long but cool story made short, God revealed to both of us at separate times that we need Jon to be home on Sundays. When he said, "keep The Sabbath holy..." He meant it. And boy, was that a great decision to bring him home.) 

Having said that, "couple time" is rare, and date nights are seldom. And we don't even have babies yet! This has been a challenge. When Jon and I finally see each other at the end of the day, we're spent. We're exhausted. And we're not able to give the best versions of ourselves to each other. (I am the guiltiest party here.)

Sooo...what about family? We live hundreds of miles from our parents, and communication takes time and effort. My brothers are here in Nashville, but for only a short season. Isn't it important to make the most of this time we have together? What about our friends? I am surrounded by incredible friends here in Nashville, and I honestly feel that I have not invested in my friends' lives like I should. What about...us? Our marriage?

As I reflect on our lives and chaotic routine of the past few months, I realize this: None of the activities we're involved in are "bad". In fact most, if not all, of them are "good"; they honor God. However, I also realize that something has to change. It must.

As a single gal, I ran myself into the ground. I was involved in ev-er-y-thing! During those weeks where I was running on mere fumes (okay, Diet Mt. Dew), I kept reminding myself, "This is only for a season; only for (insert time frame here)." But when does this crazy-busy season end?

Now that I'm married, my Type A, control freak, overachieving personality does not only affect my life anymore, but it also reflects my husband's.

Jon is the best husband I could ever ask for. He is my strongest supporter and my biggest cheerleader. He never complains about this crazy life we're living, but I know him well enough to realize that this is the opposite of "thriving conditions" for him. Jon is a home-body. He moves at a slower pace than I do, and he enjoys every season as it comes. He allows time for reflection, and he recognizes the growth taking place. There's quite a neat balance, I believe, between our two personas. So how do we balance it?

Here are my questions: 
How do we get there?
What is the magical balance?
What do we say "no" to?
When is enough truly enough?

I must admit, amidst this running around, my relationship with God has suffered tremendously. Time spent in The Word in the mornings has been shortened, and on some days eliminated, as I crave every extra minute of sleep. Some days the only prayers I prayed were for strength, stamina, and provision. Where's the love? Thankfulness? Praise? 

My heart is heavy. I am feeling so convicted of this "addiction to be busy". 
I am thankful for God's grace to cover m shortcomings!

Here's what The Word says:


Ephesians 5:15-17 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

James 4:13-17 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

In the midst of the Holy Spirit grabbing ahold of my heart, I was reading a great blog that I follow- Elm Street Life. (If you've never checked it out, you should. She's amazing.) She wrote something that I can't get out of my mind. 

The bottom line is this: We are building up a kingdom with our lives- either a kingdom honoring ourselves or a kingdom honoring God. 

What kingdom are we building up?

I think that's the answer to my questions above about what to say "no" to.

Why do I struggle with overcommitment? Because I want to best represent God, or best represent me?
Why do I fill my calendar from sun-up to sun-down? Who am I truly honoring?
When I involve myself, and my family, into new commitments, is God being honored by our lifestyle?

Whew. This got me.

I am still working through these questions, and self-reflection is huge.

I am praying that God will give me discernment about what to say "yes" to, and wisdom to accomplish goals for His glory, and not my own.

It's not easy.


So, how do you do it?

How do you decide what to say "yes" to, and what is out-of-the-question?

Please leave advice in the comments suggestion. I am interested in your thoughts!

Father of Lights.

Have you seen this documentary yet?!

It's life changing.

No, really.

Our Overflow college students gathered one night months to watch it together. Following the hour and a half film, a living room became a sanctuary as they broke into a prayer service.

After hearing them rave about this movie, Jon and I finally were able to view it.

It shook me.

It wowed me.

It put new perspective in my mind and shed light on old beliefs in my heart.

We knew what we had to do.

Share this with others!

It's a beautiful depiction of God- who He is, what He's doing around the world, our response and call to action as his followers.



This past Wednesday, Overflow College Ministry hosted an event on Trevecca's campus so students could view the film. Sure we "spiced" it up with big projector screens, buttery popcorn, and a candy bar (college students will gather anywhere for free food), but the best part of setting up was watching our college students pray over the seats that their peers would soon fill. They prayed over the room, claiming it in God's name, so that His work would be done. We invited the Holy Spirit to show up. And boy, were our prayers answered.

A room full of college students, breaking up into small groups to lay hands on one another and pray aloud over one another? Yeah. There's no better place to be at 11:00pm on a Wednesday night.

It was beautiful.



You gotta see it.

Then come share with me how it rocked you!

bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.

• "You've Got Mail" is one of my all-time favorite chick-flicks. It stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, features a relationship based on correspondence, and its first scene features New York City in the fall...I mean, what's not to love? 
  
  One of my favorite quotes from the movie is this: 
  "Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address." 
  For some reason, it gets me every time.
  
  Anywho...
  
  We just started a new school year, and I'm very excited for this new season. I have upgraded to teaching 6th grade this year, and I'm returning to my favorite subjects- Reading and Language Arts. I am partnering with the best teammates...ever. Seriously. Thankfully I get to teach some of my students from last year again, so the relationship between teacher and student is already sweet.
  I am truly blessed to teach at the school I work, under the administration I have, and alongside the colleagues I work alongside everyday.
  
  In prepping for this year, I believe prayer is one of the most essential portions of this preparation. 
  
  I am praying each and every day that God would use me for that day, that moment, that time. 
  
  "Your will for today, Father. That's what I seek."
  
  Below is a poem/prayer I found online. I usually think prewritten prayers are cheesy and not genuine, to be honest. However, I can totally feel the words behind this prayer.
  
  Following the poem are photos of my new classroom. I apologize that they are a bit dark; they were taken in the early hours of the morning before students arrived for the first day of school. 
  
  Enjoy the photos, and please say a prayer for the lives that will enter this classroom on a daily basis.
  
  
  "Thank you, God, for I am a teacher. As a teacher, I have the power to educate, to inspire, to challenge, to comfort, to reassure, to ennoble. The scope of my influence is incalculable; each of my students leaves my classroom changed in some way by what I did and said. Through those students, I have the power to change the world.
  Thank you for entrusting me with that responsibility. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do what I love. Thank you, too, for providing those things that enabled me to love what I do. Thank you for the administrator who trusted my judgment and supported my decisions -- no matter whoquestioned them.
• the parents who faithfully showed up for parent-teacher conferences -- to listen, to communicate, to cooperate.
• the surprise assembly that held my students' interest -- and got me off my feet.
• the substitute who, without complaint, turned sometimes sketchy plans into exciting lessons.
• the student who struggled but refused to give up.
• the creative teammate who freely shared her best ideas.
• the party at which no self-described wit expounded on my "high pay and short hours."
• the student who suddenly "got it."
• the days with no surprises.
• the student who knew more about technology than I did.
• the unexpected absence of my most disruptive student.
• the specials who provided activities that supported my curriculum.
• the colleague who covered my class for five minutes so I could run to the restroom.
• the practical in-service session that held my interest.
• the competent aide who gave me time to teach.
• the volunteers who baked cupcakes, chaperoned field trips, and provided enrichment activities.
• the colleague who swappped recess duty -- or cafeteria duty or bus duty -- when I absolutely, positively had to have a few minutes to myself.
• the unexpected holiday.
• anyone who -- at any time, for any reason -- remembered to say "Thank you for being a good teacher!"
• http://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/columnists/starr_points/starr031.shtml
• 
  

I will trust.

Trust does not always come naturally to me. Only a few years ago did I realize the depth of this distrust...it was brought to my attention that, all to often, I even find it difficult to trust God.

Anybody out there familiar with this?

I mean, how silly it seems! This is God we're talking about. My Creator, Savior, Redeemer, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, my Provider, Healer, and Best Friend. Why on earth would it be difficult to trust in Him?

For whatever reason, my flesh makes it very challenging. In my moments of weakness, when my Type A personality goes in to overdrive and wants to claim control over everything, and get squeemish when I don't think God is moving on my behalf. It's then that I hear Him, "Trust me." It's almost comical now. I can see God throwing his hands over his face, hiding the laughter, as if to say, "My daughter, haven't you leaned this yet? I love you! I have you!"

Once I was aware of this boulder blocking progression in my relationship with my Lord, I was eager to work through it, to overcome it.

The best infiltration I have in this battle against my flesh is The Word. God's Word is filled with promises to us. 

Below is a list of some of my favorite verses. These verses put God's promises in the present tense for me. They remind me of the intimate relationship between my Heavenly Father and Mallory (insert name).

On a daily basis, yes daily, I am hiding His Word in my heart.

I Am Going to Trust the Lord…

He knows my name.

Isaiah 43:1

He sees my every move.

Psalm 139:7

He thinks about me.

Psalm 139:17

He is with me.

Joshua 1:9

He will fight for me.

Exodus 14:14

He made me in His image.

Genesis 1:27

He is my safe place.

Psalm 62:6-8

He has a plan for me.

Jeremiah 29:11

He is good.

Psalm 119:68

He is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

He is always with me.

Matthew 28:20

What are some verses you are currently memorizing?

Can I be honest?

Lately, it's been a real challenge for me to dive into The Word on a daily basis. On top of that, my prayer life has been greatly diffused. There are major events occurring in my life during this season- events that require me to drop to my knees and pray; events that require me studying The Word of God to seek His Will and absorb His Truth. However, my humanity, my flesh, my selfishness, whatever you want to label it, has made this a difficult relationship. I haven't been involved in any "bad" or "sinful" acts; I've just been...well...busy. Yet, the ignorance of my relationship with my Creator is one that can never produce a healthy harvest.


This morning, I was able to sleep in (compliments of spring break), wake slowly, make my breakfast of yogurt covered in granola with a side of fresh fruit, sit on my bed, and finally come before the Lord.


This was an act of obedience; something I have not been so swell at lately. If I'm being honest, lately I've been a weak prayer warrior, more like a prayer "drummer boy", and I have indulged in disobedience without even realizing it.


This morning, as I prayed for His Spirit to speak to me, for The Word to literally become my daily bread, I was rocked by what I read.


In all four of my readings this morning, the act of disobedience was addressed:


"The ones who are most aware of God's presence in their lives are the ones who love Jesus with a passion and who have abandoned all disobedience to Him. God uses them without reservation."


Whoa. This whole time I've been asking God to "use me", however, I didn't realize that my lack of passion and my disobedience was literally the road block.


My all-time favorite verse is Ephesians 3:20 "To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." I was shaken this morning when I realized in my feeble prayers, I have not given Him room to do immeasurable things in my life. This very morning I wept as I gave my fears to God, asking Him to work in my family- for my job, Jon's job, our finances, our visions and dreams. Our desire is for God to work through our marriage in such a way that God is the only explanation.


Have I been praying for this immeasurable work? Have I opened my heart to it? Have I prepared for it?


I read more.


"To those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and who come to Him without reservation, trusting in Him as the source for all righteousness and strength, He satisfies."


Whoa. Definitely sensing a common theme here. And there's that "trust" word that's so hard for me.


"We must truly come to Jesus, not casually and with reservation, but with enthusiasm, openness, and trust. We must prepare for the overflowing tide, always looking to Him in faith. We must excitedly expect Him to fulfill His promise."


I so desire this living water to not only flow, but gush, throughout my home.


After I prayed this prayer, abandoning my disobedience, committing my complete trust in Him, and excitedly expected God to fulfill His promises so I could tell people about His work, an AMAZING thing happened... but I'll have to finish this story later on.  :)


Ephesians 3:20


Come to Him. And come with expectancy.