Can I be honest?

Lately, it's been a real challenge for me to dive into The Word on a daily basis. On top of that, my prayer life has been greatly diffused. There are major events occurring in my life during this season- events that require me to drop to my knees and pray; events that require me studying The Word of God to seek His Will and absorb His Truth. However, my humanity, my flesh, my selfishness, whatever you want to label it, has made this a difficult relationship. I haven't been involved in any "bad" or "sinful" acts; I've just been...well...busy. Yet, the ignorance of my relationship with my Creator is one that can never produce a healthy harvest.


This morning, I was able to sleep in (compliments of spring break), wake slowly, make my breakfast of yogurt covered in granola with a side of fresh fruit, sit on my bed, and finally come before the Lord.


This was an act of obedience; something I have not been so swell at lately. If I'm being honest, lately I've been a weak prayer warrior, more like a prayer "drummer boy", and I have indulged in disobedience without even realizing it.


This morning, as I prayed for His Spirit to speak to me, for The Word to literally become my daily bread, I was rocked by what I read.


In all four of my readings this morning, the act of disobedience was addressed:


"The ones who are most aware of God's presence in their lives are the ones who love Jesus with a passion and who have abandoned all disobedience to Him. God uses them without reservation."


Whoa. This whole time I've been asking God to "use me", however, I didn't realize that my lack of passion and my disobedience was literally the road block.


My all-time favorite verse is Ephesians 3:20 "To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us." I was shaken this morning when I realized in my feeble prayers, I have not given Him room to do immeasurable things in my life. This very morning I wept as I gave my fears to God, asking Him to work in my family- for my job, Jon's job, our finances, our visions and dreams. Our desire is for God to work through our marriage in such a way that God is the only explanation.


Have I been praying for this immeasurable work? Have I opened my heart to it? Have I prepared for it?


I read more.


"To those who hunger and thirst for righteousness and who come to Him without reservation, trusting in Him as the source for all righteousness and strength, He satisfies."


Whoa. Definitely sensing a common theme here. And there's that "trust" word that's so hard for me.


"We must truly come to Jesus, not casually and with reservation, but with enthusiasm, openness, and trust. We must prepare for the overflowing tide, always looking to Him in faith. We must excitedly expect Him to fulfill His promise."


I so desire this living water to not only flow, but gush, throughout my home.


After I prayed this prayer, abandoning my disobedience, committing my complete trust in Him, and excitedly expected God to fulfill His promises so I could tell people about His work, an AMAZING thing happened... but I'll have to finish this story later on.  :)


Ephesians 3:20


Come to Him. And come with expectancy.