just...be.

I recently read a fantastic book, Empty Promises by Pete Wilson. (Click here to check it out on Amazon!) The timing of my reading this book could not have been more perfect, high-five to the Holy Spirit. I found this book a joy to read as the author is very open and honest, however I found it also a challenge as the reader must in return be open and honest with oneself.

You see, I began this summer trying to check-off my notorious checklist for life.
As a single gal, it used to look something like this:
Find a gorgeous, adoring, Christ-following husband.
Fall in love.
Get engaged.
Plan a dream wedding on a small budget.
Enjoy honeymoon bliss.
Decorate the new townhouse.

Let's see...I've got a gorgeous, adoring, Christ-following husband...check.
Now, we work our butts off for ______ years until we are debt free and reach financial peace...
We work extremely hard, climbing up the career ladder until we can both fulfill our dream jobs.
In about 20 years (just kidding, Mom), we will start having babies, and then all the fun begins...

If you're a Type A, plan-a-olic like myself, this list may not seem too crazy to you...
The free spirits in the world, however, are laughing at us.

This verse is at the very beginning of Empty Promises, and it stabbed me like a knife:

"No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content." Ecclesiastes 1:8

Whoa. Was this verse written for me?

But what about my "goals," God? You know? These dreams that you birthed in me, and in Jon too, and that we believe you want us to fulfill for Your purposes? When do these start playing in action?

Then I am reminded.

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." Psalm 37:4

And there it is. Delight myself in the LORD.

You see, without even realizing it, I've placed these "idols" before God. They're not even necessarily "bad" idols, but Pete writes that "idolatry is when I look to something that does not have God's power to give me what only God has the power and authority to give".

Yikes. I bet that if we all did a little self-eval, we'd find some hidden idols that we didn't even realize we had given such prominence. I know I sure did.

In my desire to please God and fulfill His "purpose" for my life, I am rushing past the most important factor...HIM!

Like I've stated before, I'm a dork. Typical Type A personality, high-strung, go-getter type. These character traits often benefit me, especially in the career world. However, patience is never a strong point of mine, and this kind of rushing-to-produce mantra is not always the sacrifice of praise God is looking for.

I'll admit, I have some control issues as well, And when I combine my internal need for control with the "regime of the plan", the outcome is not always beautiful. Here's another quote from Pete:

"when the need for hurry meets the desire for control, it becomes really easy to start worshipping someone and something other than our Creator God" (page 8).

Yikes.

And so this is where I was.

Trying not to sound like a book salesman, let me reiterate that you. should. read. this. book.
Everyone should.
I believe there are some huge points to be learned and scriptures to be examined in this title.
But moving forward, this is where I'm at...

I believe that God is calling to just..."be".
Be content.
In who He says He is and in what He can do.
Be content.

Yes, He's given visions and dreams.
Yes, He promises to see those dreams to fruition.
Yes, He's guiding the way and yes, He does have a plan.

God has been asking, "If I never did another thing for you, would I be enough?" Of course my instant reply is, "Yes, God!" But He is searching me heart (Psalm 139). And He is challenging me to consider my answer. On a daily basis.

I choose to just "be". To live in the presence of this God. To saturate myself in His Word, and hide His Word in my heart. To accept each day for what it is...a gift. And to seek His purpose each and every day.

This is the last quote I'll use for this entry, mainly so I don't get sued by Pete Wilson for stealing his thunder. But I pray these words will be etched on your heart:

(Page 13) "...I believe that God has not given up on you. He is, in fact, powerfully present in your life...In his resurrection, he gave us hope that we can indeed experience the fulfillment of our desires. Jesus is continually inviting people to give up their idols and follow him. Jesus, and Jesus alone, is worthy of our whole devotion. He alone has the authority to forgive all of our sins. He alone has the wisdom to guide our whole lives. He alone leaves us invigorated rather than exhausted, at peace rather than anxious. He alone has the power to fill the gnawing inner emptiness we all experience and bring purpose to each and ever day that he sees fit to grant us as a gift."